Saying Goodbye

Hi there,

So tonight we are getting on a plane (at 12:35 at night, yuck!) and leaving Africa. It feels a little bit like my heart is in two places. I love it here and I love my group and I will miss everything so much. But I am also extremely excited to come home. It is as if the two are completely separate events...leaving is so hard and I do not want to go and coming home is so exciting and I cannot wait. Life is paradoxical, isn't it? 

Yesterday our whole group went to the doctor to get checked for friends we might be taking home in our intestines. It was just lovely...we gave stool samples and had blood tests. One of the best days here (NOT!). I dont have a parasite but I do have to much yeast inside of me apparently. It gives you wonderful symptoms...I'll spare you the details but trust me, I have had an interesting last few days here :)

Other than that, things here are wrapping up. This has been one of the hardest times of my life and one of the best. I don't think that I have ever learned, been stretched, or grown more in my life. Thank you all for following me on this journey and bearing with me through my emotional rollercoaster which has definitely shown through in my posts. I have truly enjoyed sharing my thoughts and experiences with everyone and I cannot wait to see you all again! I'd love to share with you more about everything when I come home. Ask me and I'd love to talk to you more about it...and I have about a bajillion pictures.

See everyone soon!!!

Trying...

Hi there,

Ok so here is the deal... I feel a little bit bad saying it but during class it is often difficult to pay attention here. Extremely difficult. Two and a half lectures are a bit long, so forgive me, I have tried to occupy my mind in other ways. Lately I have started writing poetry. I figure, hey I like words, maybe I should mess around with some. So I have started writing poetry... and I have decided to post the one that I wrote today during class and let those who love me tell me if I should keep pursuing this new little hobby or tell me graciously to pick another thing to dabble in J

here it goes... it is a little intense, so I apologize for the complete lack of Dr. Seuss in this poem. Let me know what you think about the subject matter or how I can improve!!

~The Least Of These~

Jesus Christ with his saddened face

The kind of sorrow you cannot erase.

Mercy, he asks for with his pleading eyes.

Spare change; a meal; at least don’t despise.

His breath smells of alcohol and rancid decay.

You are offended; he is different than you, look away.

He has a story, but you are far too busy to sit and hear it.

Others might see you with this man who smells of shit.

Do you think his poverty, vulgarity, and addictions will rub off?

Hand him back his humanity. His hand, like yours, is soft.

 

Jesus Christ, lipstick smeared on his face,

The kind of humiliation you cannot erase.

Looking for work, she walks the streets.

You scowl, judging her with the rest of the whores and cheats.

She approaches you, sadness and shame, masked by a flirt.

Stumbling, you try to avert your eyes from the low-cut shirt.

Desperation fills her eyes; you wonder why she does this.

You don’t ask or try to help, instead go in for a kiss.

He is this young woman, who used to laugh and play.

Now you and the Enemy have told her this the only way.

 

Jesus Christ, lip sores on his face,

The kind of virus you cannot erase.

He walks alone, his partner has already died.

His family has neglected him, no comfort when cries.

Outcast. Hated, despised because of his lifestyle.

You think God doesn’t love him, is not with him every mile?

His body is shutting down, taken by the disease.

Your condemnation, self-righteousness, breaks him to his knees.

Lift him up, love him, he is your brother.

Hurting and scared, wipe away his tears as he shutters.

 

Jesus Christ, with his gaunt and desperate face,

The kind of hopelessness you cannot erase.

She steals from her family to get more money.

She is numb to life, atrocities become funny.

All her efforts are working for that next hit.

Withdrawals are imminent; her body needs it.

What makes life so hard that she tries to escape?

Parents separated, failed out of school, gang raped.

Someone needs to help her fight; she is not a lost case.

Hold her as she shakes, vomits, swears; kiss her face.

 

Jesus Christ, with his many faces,

The kind of companion you cannot erase.

Of his gospel, you are not ashamed?

You, who turn from the hurt, the broken, the maimed?

You do not love him more than yourself.

You keep him in a pretty box, wrapped up, on a shelf.

You call yourself a Christian, but forget how Christ walked.

You stand at the cross, with the rest who laughed and mocked.

Jesus Christ is the ultimate lover, servant on His knees.

In order to love Christ, love The Least of These.

So thats it! I'd love your input. This idea is something I have really felt challenged by and I feel the Lord is really teaching me a lot. I often forget that we are not loving Christ if we are not loving those who are harder or less glamorous to love. It is definitely easier said then done, and I know myself and I am a terrible lover if it is not coming from the Lord, but perfect love is definitely something I want to strive for and I want to characterize my life. It has hit me that if I say that I love Jesus, I am lying if I don't love those who are the last to be loved.

Rafting Moses Style

The Nile... there is the bungee platform in the left corner

In front of one of the falls we visited last weekend. BEAUTIFUL!

Sorry it has been such a long time since I have last blogged. Things here are great! I love Kampala and I am loving living here and spending time with our group. It is definitely bittersweet when I think of leaving. I am so excited to come home and see everyone I have missed so much, but I am really sad to leave here and say goodbye to everyone as well. We have all been having a really good time exploring the city. For example, two weeks ago we went to Salsa dancing lessons at this fancy shmancy restaurant and bar. The instructor was an extremely little, frail, old Ugandan man. He looked like he would be more likely to break a hip than be able to shake ‘em. He was probably about 5 feet tall, had a few missing teeth, and what seemed to be cataracts… quite the character. He was really sweet and it was amazing and a little hilarious how well he knew Salsa.

This past weekend was the one of the best I have had in my time here. On Saturday morning we all got in a bus and traveled to Jinja, which is about 2 hours away from Kampala. There, we went white water rafting on the Nile! THE NILE RIVER! It was amazing!! I honestly cannot even begin to imagine baby Moses cruising down that thing. It was crazy. We went down so many rapids, including three class 5 rapids. At the bottom of one of them there is this huge wave that our guide told us is about 10 to 15 feet. It was insane coming down and then seeing a huge wall of water and crashing into it!  Our raft was approximately 300 lbs with 10 people on it and we flipped multiple times going down the river. That’s how crazy it was. It was so so so fun. Again, I repeat, so so SO fun! I cannot wait to do it again, hopefully this time with the family (Yes, Mom, Mariah, that includes you J). There was also the opportunity to go bungee jumping but I was pretty thankful to be on the other side of the situation taking pictures of all of the other crazy people. I started feeling nauseous just watching.  I was worried about jumping off and pooping myself; that would have been quite unfortunate. Hopefully someday I'll do it...just need to get a little bit braver! We stayed on the river in a hostel over night. It was really cool meeting people from around the world and hearing their stories, why they were there, what they do, etc…

I loved our awesome weekend trip, and this weekend a few of the other students and myself are going to take a trip to Kitgum. We will be able to visit the orphanage, which will be a huge blessing! My mom, Mal, and I are trying to start up a thrift store in SLO to support the children at the center there. So just as heads up to all…don’t get rid of any of your stuff that you don’t want, give it to me, please!!! People have already been amazingly supportive; I cannot properly express my gratitude. I’d love your continued prayers that this opportunity to help will work out. Gods is so good and I know His plans will go forth. He is continually teaching me things here, not only about Himself but how I ought to be living for Him, about being a servant to Him and others, and about His greater heart for the world. Praise His name, huh?! I love you all and I am so thankful for you.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING! Mmm mmm mmm...Turkey Day!

PS: I am sad I will not be there with all the family in SLO and Morro Bay; those of you who are following, pass on my love to the rest of our crazy crew J.

Mallory, Megan, and I after a long day of rafting... everyone got super sunburnt. 

Me and Mal hanging out in Kampala.

10 Things I Love About Kampala

1.) Ugandan men can shake it like no ones business.

            We went to a traditional Ugandan dance show and it was truly amazing. I do not think I will EVER be able to move my hips the way they can. I have tried… its not pretty.

2.) There is an italian market down the street with really good gelato.

            I didn’t see ANY ice cream in the north and it was soooo hot. Weird.

3.) We have a variety of food for our meals. Including, but not limited to, fresh fruit, granola, skim milk and brocolli! Oh, happy day!!

            I have made a pact with myself to not eat white rice for the rest of my time here.

4.) There is a Calvary Chapel in Kampala.

It was so nice to go to a service that was a little bit familiar. It felt like home; my brain could relax a little bit. Being in such a different cultural setting all the time, makes your head hurt and it is exhausting, so this was a wonderful breather.

5.) Real coffee

            No Nescafe instant nasty stuff J

6.) Going down town.

It is crazy and hectic and I have almost been run over a few times but I love it. There is so much culture and so many people. It will be nice when we get a better handle of public transport and know how to find our way around the city. One time I crossed the street, and then stupidly ran back because I got scared with cars coming at me. A Ugandan man came up and said, “No, No, No, you never stop! You keep going. They will not run you over. You are very expensive.” So that was interesting.

7.) There are completely different ways of interacting with people here.

For example, it is totally fine for men to grab you in the market and pull you toward their booth. One time I was walking and a guy really creepily peered from behind a stand of sunglasses and whispered, “I want to marry you” in my ear. I never saw his face, just began to walk a lot faster. It was a little scary. Also men say “You are my size” sometimes to you. I am still not 100% sure what that means. I don’t know if they legitimately mean we have the same pants size or they like what they see. Either way, it is a somewhat funny/unwarranted expression. Ok, I admit, number 7 is not really something I love about Kampala.

8.) We have a monkey named Simon who comes to visit us on our porch.

            It’s a monkey. So awesome. Enough said.

9.) We have access to Skype again.

I miss everyone so much. I cannot even express how much of a blessing it is to be able to talk to my lovely friends in SLO and my family. Praise God for technology, huh!? J

10.) I am reunited with Mallory.

            Yes, last but not least, Malsky. I missed her. Together, we can handle it all: male harassment, homesickness, crazy matatto death traps, diarrhea causing parasites, gorgeous Ugandan dancers...yep, what could be better?  

Orphanage

Hi, everyone! First let me apologize to those of you who are following for my extreme lack of posts and general neglect of my blog. I was in Northern Uganda, Kitgum, for three weeks where internet was unreliable, so was the electricity and running water. My patience was challenged continually just living and working there, so the last thing I wanted to do was wrestle with extremely slow internet and blackouts. I apologize and pray that you have not lost hope in me. I’m still here!! I just wanted to play it safe and not have an excuse to throw my computer at a turkey.

My time in Kitgum was truly amazing. I have never been more challenged, broken-hearted, frustrated, and happy all in the matter of 3 weeks. Let me first just say that I am going back, and if anyone wants to join me, let me know! J

We were doing work with Bringing Hope Project, which is involved in HIV/AIDS prevention, awareness, and aid. We met with volunteers that do the home visits of the HIV/AIDS patients and I was shocked that these people have volunteered their time to go into their communities. Many of the volunteers are suffering just as much those who they visit and they may lose a whole day in their gardens to time spent doing house visits which may mean that they don’t eat that day. Also their “incentive” for doing this work is 3 bars of laundry soap a month! They gave me such a picture of selfless serving that I ought to be doing for those in need that I so often do not do.

While we were in Kitgum, we got involved in an orphanage called Kitgum Infant Care Center. Visiting there may have been one of the most rewarding and challenging parts of my practicum experience. There are so many children and all of their clothes are so dirty and many of the babies are covered in flies or are sitting in their own urine. The children there are all supposed to be under 3 years old, but there older siblings often come and look after them; even still there are so many and only 6 paid staff members. I got a lot of information about the center and found out which of the children are sponsored and which are not, and what the needs are. We met a woman who is part of a Calvary Chapel ministry that has taken the center under its wing so to speak, there are many ways to help and give through them or on your own. Please let me know if you would like more information and I will gladly give it to you.

I am just going to ramble for a second about the babies who stole my heart. There are 2 month old twins and they are so so little. One of them is really sick and has trouble breathing. They both are extremely underweight and the sick one is not very responsive, so he seems to be behind developmentally. One the last day we visited, I met their grandmother who was there visiting, and she asked me to take them home with me. It was heartbreaking. She said, “You are going to Kampala, and then you come back and take them.” So my parents might be getting two adorable Christmas gifts J. 

There are two young girls with whom I also fell in love. Grace is 6 and her mom was a rebel with the LRA so the government killed her on returning from Sudan when Grace was 2 weeks old. Now no one will take her because she is a “rebel child” (I’m sorry, that is really not a PC name). There is another girl, Sheila, who is 5 and they tried to integrate her back into her village when she was three (as they try to do with all of the children) and left her under the care of her uncle. He beat her mercilessly, they found her covered in blood and eating out of the garbage. At three years old, can you even imagine?! Now she has these huge, awful scars on her legs, but she is the most beautiful girl with so much joy and spunk. Here is a picture of the two girls. Shiela is on the left and grace is on the right.

I have so much more to tell, but I realize this is getting really long. I will blog more very soon. But please please pray for these children. God is good and gracious. I thank Him for His love and miraculous healing. He is teaching me so much about Himself and His heart for His people, especially those who suffer. 

 

Foreign soldiers, dirt runways, and turkey poop...

On Friday, a group of us traveled to Kitgum. It was quite an ordeal. We got onto a bus and drove to Entebbe and arrived a half an hour before our plane was supposed to take off. We had a bit of a panic but security was frighteningly easy and quick to get through and we were by our gate in no time. But of course we got there and they didn’t know when  outr plane was leaving and seemed a little unsure if there was a plane going to Pedare. Oh, also, fun story. There was a huge group of Bangladashian soldiers who I am assuming have not seen women in a long time because they were relentlessly taking our picture. Even after I told them that it was enough they tried to sneak pictures through glass windows. They were shameless. We ended up getting on our plane 2 hours late and we were escorted out to this rinky-dink plane that I am surprised even made it off the ground. I slept the whole ride, I think mostly as a way of coping with shear terror.

The story gets even better. We start to lower and there was nothing around but fields. And I mean NOTHING. We landed on a random dirt runway with not much civilization in sight. Then the plane took off and the car that was supposed to pick us up was not. Then some little kids started coming out of the bush. It was exactly like in the Wizard of Oz when the munchkins start to slowly come out to look at Dorothy when she lands, except for these were Africa children looking at 4 stranded crazy white people with big bags of luggage. I’m sure we might as well have been aliens.

Eventually our driver came and we eventually ended up in Kitgum. The same night we went to a Crusade and saw the Lord heal some people who were previously lame, blind, and deaf. The power of God is so stupendous and so present still to perform miracles. Our Lord is truly amazing… I don’t really have any words to properly covey His wonder. So I will stop there.

We have not really had electricity and Internet has been near impossible to get onto. So I apologize for the lack of blogging. Sunday morning we I woke up to the sound of children singing praises to Jesus (can you think of a better start to a day?!) and there was church service happening in our backyard. We spoke with a woman who was American and has been working at this orphanage for a year and has welcomed us to join them in anything they do, or just go and spend time with the children and love them, they do not get enough of it. I am so excited. God is so faithful to create divine appointments.

Oh yea, today I also washed my clothes by hand for the first time in my life. The things we take for granted! J

We have turkeys in our backyard. They are quite possibly the most ugly birds on the planet. One left a big disgusting green poop on our doorstep. Yay, Thanksgiving!!

 

Kitgum

So here is how things work in Africa. Making plans is simply laughable. In the field doing research you truly do not know for sure what will happen or what you are doing until you are in the car and driving to the destination, and even then things change. Last week we spent time in Guitarama doing field research. My teammate Ben and I, volunteered to talk to different leaders of the community to see what their perceptions of the vulnerable were and ask what they were currently doing to help them, and if there were needs that were still not being met. The first place we went was to the district offices, the district leader was not there and the person underneath him was not either. They were going to be gone and in a meeting until Friday, the day we were leaving. Of course my thoughts were, “well, what the heck? This should have been known before! Appointments should have been made! It is so inefficient to just stop by!”... this happened countless times. We would travel some where hoping to talk to someone and they would be gone.  It is crazy how we Americans are so set on making plans and I am continually learning to release my expectations and try to go with the flow. Patience is certainly necessary here; I am definitely learning how to cope with things that would have previously made me want to pull my hair out. I love calendars and planners and knowing what time it is, however all my efforts to organize and compartmentalize are quite futile here.

Another wonderful example of unexpected events and needing to adjust is the new situation with Ethiopia. I am no longer going there. We found out last week that the government is cracking down and to enter the country it is necessary to have a business visa. We were going to get tourist visas but there is an election coming up and “tourists” in the past have influenced the Ethiopian people and have gotten involved more than just being tourists. So the government doesn’t want foreigners. There was recently a group of students there who were arrested for 24 hours and then deported, just because they didn’t have the right visa. Needless to say, FH doesn’t want to risk that with us.

Now I am going to Kitgum, in Northern Uganda, very close on to the border of Sudan. I will be helping a project called Bringing Hope through the New Life Center, doing HIV/AIDS prevention and awareness. I will be living with many of the displaced Ugandan women at the center, which is a residential holistic rehabilitation program for mothers and their children. Many of the girls who were abducted into the LRA were used as sex slaves, a number of them producing children at a very young age. Here is more information on the center and a little history on the civil war and the atrocities the LRA committed in Northern Uganda. https://copper.fh.org/work/africa/uganda/newlifecenter

It seems to be a pretty incredible place that gives biblical counseling and strives to give these women hope and foster healing that only comes from the cleansing blood of Jesus.

I am so excited to see the Lord move through these women and their children. God is truly the ultimate healer. His love restores and renews all of us from our pain and depravity.

PSALM 103:2-5

Bless the Lord, O my soul,

And forget not all His benefits:

Who forgives all your iniquities,

Who heals all your diseases,

Who redeems your life from destruction,

Who crowns you with lovingkindness and

  tender mercies,

Who satisfies your mouth with good things,

So that your youth is renewed like the

eagles’s.

 

Lament

But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us. We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies. For we who live are always being given over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our mortal flesh. So death is at work in us, but life in you. 

2 Corinthians 4:7-12

We were encouraged to write a lament last week as a way to process what we have encountered here. Laments are beautiful poetic expressions of mourning; the Bible is full of them. I gave it a whirl this morning. It is truly not very good, and I wish I could articulate with better eloquence what I have been feeling, learning, and trying to process. (I am sorry, my English major-ness has yet to develop in the area of lamenting...I will have to work on it)

To run with reckless abandon is forever tempting,

The wind runs through my hair as I try to forget.

Maybe it will rush the images out, or blow them away.

Maybe if I run faster it will not catch me.

They stand on the road reminding me, one after one.

Life goes on. But not without a cost.

 

The trees reach to the sky, even with the risk of being cut down.

I’ll stay low. Maybe it will not see me.

Why is it that in order to become full, it is necessary to be emptied?

It is safer to hide, run, flee, as long as I don’t have to feel.

 

I cannot do it alone. Or I refuse.

He grabs my face with His hands and stares. Nose to nose.

I squeeze my eyes shut; please I don’t want to do this.

Go away. This was not the deal.

He slowly rocks His wanderer, until I have to fall.

There is a net He has prepared.

He is there with me, wiping the tears.

But He doesn’t promise to take them away.

 

He understands. His suffering is mine,

Just as mine is inevitable to also suffer along side others.

Why did it have to look like this?

Sorrow is sacrificial, requiring strength and submission.

Mourning takes bravery and boldness.

Accepting sadness is necessary, but never enjoyable.

It is easier being numb.

But He felt the suffering of all people.

Our High Priest did it for us,

Shouldn’t I do the same?

 

How do I possibly mourn for others,

When I have subdued sorrow for my own losses?

Grief is a growing process, I am afraid to reach up like the trees.

You have farther to fall.

We are called to feel, agonize and weep and also rejoice and praise.

These extremes are dangerous.

We don’t like to be out of control in our sorrow.

Not truly mourning, painting a smile on is safer.

Ironic this is human tendency when we are given the Healer.

With the lack of extreme sorrow,

We are stripped of the gift of ultimate joy.

The greatest rejoicing is only achieved if we surrender ourselves to endure sorrow.

 

We are assured victory in the end, but the journey is sprinkled with affliction.

So that was it... thank you for reading. I am so thankful for all of the love and encouragement I have received through this blog. I am continually being amazed at peoples capacity to care, and I am so very very thankful for you who care for me and want to follow me on this journey.

Mzungu Alert

Today after lunch, I went to the market with a few friends from our group. Let me begin by explaining a little bit about the market. It is like a swap meet/farmers market/Joanne’s fabrics on steroids. At the market, there is everything you could possibly ever want… tons of food: lots of fruits and vegetables, beans and rice in bulk, enough bananas to feed a small army of monkeys, and potatoes up the wazoo. There is also Tupperware, dishes, clothing, car parts, jewelry, and lots of homemade crafts. But the best part of the market is the FABRIC. There are rows and rows of fabrics that hang from the ceiling. Everywhere you look walking down these isles, there is color. All of them are so beautiful; it is as if your eyes cannot seem to look at all of them fast enough.

So back to my story about today’s market adventure…I was looking at a fabric that Mallory was contemplating purchasing and I was leaning against one of the booths. This booth happened to be selling women’s silky panties. She was finishing the purchase and I walked to the next row to start haggling for the fabric I wanted. I was talking to the woman who owned it and another women pulled on my arm and dress. I turned around thinking she was going to try to get me to come see her fabrics, when she bent down next to me and picked up pastel-y pink silky chonies. She stared at me holding the panties in front of my face. There are about five women around me by now, and they all burst into laughter, in unison. They were all shrieking and laughing at me and talking to each other in Kinyarwanda. I started laughing too and telling them “No, No, No, I’m still wearing some, I promise”. I kept apologizing and they kept laughing. Every time I would say “babadida,” meaning “sorry,” they would laugh harder. One woman thought she would add to the joke and even felt my butt-side to make sure I was still wearing underwear. The women were having a ball. Mallory came over because she could hear the hysterical women and my squeals of laughter and embarrassment, and then they showed her the underwear and I explained the situation. The woman who was selling the underwear took them back, pretended to scold me, and then she too joined in the frenzy.

The good news: I got a beautiful fabric. The bad news: I paid for it with my pride. It is wonderful being in another country; humility is practically shoved down your throat. Great. J

Ethiopia Bound!

Last week flew by and we spent a wonderful weekend in Kabuje on Lake Kibu. Thursday was busy busy busy. We had our Practicum Fair where multiple representatives from different FH locations presented the different positions for our internships. Then we go on a bus and traveled to two more memorials. It was brutal. I have poor emotional stamina. Two was too much for me in one day. The juxtaposition of the day's events, the Fair and the memorials, made for a very interesting state of emotions. The fair was fun and it was exciting to see all the possibilities of where we could get involved and be a small part in relief or development work. The memorials were heartbreaking. We went to two different churches that people fled to in hopes of finding protection because in past massacres the church was still a safe haven. However, the radios told people to go there so that they would be easier to kill, all being in one location. We went inside the churched where they hung up all of the murdered people’s clothing. There were walls of clothing and tons of shoes and huge scaffolding with tons of skulls and bones. I have never ever in my life seen real human bones. In one day I saw more than I hope to ever see again in my life. Some skulls you could tell used to be babies, they were so small. Some skulls revealed the way they were killed. There we so many with big holes in the skulls and some with machete slits. I am sad when I think about the possibility of a loss of a friend or a family member. I cannot imagine the amount of tears shed over one of these people, much less the magnitude of mourning for the 15,000 people that where killed at these two churches alone.

On a happier note, we went to the lake for a much needed unwinding and processing weekend. For how sad Rwanda’s history has been, it certainly is a beautiful country. We hiked a mountain and saw a ton of bats. I got pooped on. Yep, guano on my hand (one thing I check off my list of things to do. Get pooped on by a bat: CHECK!). We saw the most beautiful view, and it was wonderful having a morning swim across the lake, with Mallory and Megan. The Lord even blessed us with a beautiful lightning show one evening.

Oh yea and they told us our assignments for Practicum. I am going to Ethiopia!! I will be teaching English in Zeway and helping out with Sunday school! I am so excited! They speak Ahmaric in Ethiopia, so that will be another wonderful adventure...learning the language a little bit. I did learn one word already; the word for banana is “moose”. How cool is that?

Remembering Rwanda

Yesterday we went to the Kigali Memorial Center. It was really hard. I am slowly beginning to realize how my body shuts down when I am really sad or do not know how to process things. When we came back to the house, my body went into recovery mode. I took a two-hour nap, felt like vomiting and didn’t really function well the rest of the day. I am learning how hard it is for me to hide my emotions; it seemed impossible to snap back into happy Noël after seeing so much death and destruction.

I do not really know what to do with the reality of this tragedy. It does not really do those who were killed any good to mope around. But I also do not want to be numb and let it fly over me because it is hard and uncomfortable to think about. That is also not beneficial. Denial of life’s tragedies and many injustices leads to them reoccurring.  This is unacceptable. It would be so much easier to let this knowledge pass because it did not directly happen to me. But that would be a tragedy in itself, wasted knowledge on a hardened heart. I refuse. So now what? 

How do you process seeing so many photos of young children who should have been the future of Rwanda? How do you possibly process a two-year-old smiling little girl murdered by being burned alive? Or a 16 month old being smashed against a wall? Or a 9 month old being killed by a machete in his mother’s arms? These things are so radically horrible; my mind is having trouble even believing such wretched brutalities could ever happen.

There was a portion on the memorial that looked at the history of genocide. These atrocities keep happening. You would think we would learn! We see these now and think “we have come so far since then” or “no one has that level of extreme prejudice anymore” or even that “we as Americans, will not let a mass genocide happen again”, but that is what we said after the Holocaust. I learned about so many other genocides that I was not even aware of. I never learned about any of them in my history classes. This is horrible. It is a slap in the face to those who died, not to educate others about the genocides and come together in preventing them. There is a horrible pattern of hate in our history. How do we stop it?

There was a man who worked at the memorial and he was giving some people a tour. There is a large room with countless photos people have given to the memorial of those in their family they have lost. For many, it is the only photo they have of their loved ones. He led the group to two photos among the thousands, and said “That is my mother. That is my father,” and proceeded to tell them that all of his siblings were lost in the genocide as well. He said it plainly with such honesty, vulnerability, and with such an acceptance of the loss that I was amazed. I am stunned at this country’s capability to forgive and live peaceably with one another.

We are learned on Friday about the Lord’s design for a biblical community and development. God is radically righteous and radically compassionate, the only way to celebrate these two extremes of justice and love is to worship Him. The life of Jesus is a representative of God’s radical compassion for the sick, women, poor and children, and His radical righteousness with the Pharisees, the cross, and all sin. Our response to others is not to be contingent upon whether or not they are deserving. Our biblical mandate is that we too live justly and compassionately because of who we are as children of God. We are called to represent His character to the best of our ability. 

Sorry for the depressing blog. Knowledge, definitely not fun, but extremely necessary.

Next time I hope to write an entertaining anecdote about hippos :) or a funny story about yours truly, the culturally awkward Mzungu.

thank you for reading, love you all.

Just a thought...

Today in class a new smell I am growing to love, floated into the room. 

In Rwanda, they burn trash to get rid of it. They do it often and all over the city of Kigali. I got to thinking... it is an interesting irony that something which smells so bad can burn to smell so good and sweet. You rarely take a deep inhale of trash and sigh with satisfaction. But when it is burned, I find myself doing just that. 

Jesus is kind of like that same fire for us. We stink horribly in our natural state, and it seems we only get smellier with time. Yet when Jesus, our Refiner's fire, comes in and lights a fire in our hearts, he purifies us. It is a welcomed transformation and we burn sweetly. By His mercy, He burns our old stink and nastiness and we then get the honor of becoming the aroma of Christ, which smells lovely :)

just a thought...

Back to School...Duh Duh Duuuuuh

Monday was our first day of school. It is very strange to be back in school. I admit it is a little difficult trying to get into study/reading mode, not being in SLO and being in a different continent.

I am definitely beginning to recognize my extremely high western expectations and standards I have for optimal comfort when I am in school. While I was reading yesterday I could not help but think how I missed all the wonderful, quaint coffee shops back at home (Oh, Sallie Lou’s, how I miss you so!). I would have killed for a soy-iced mocha to drink while reading my book called “Walking with the Poor” (Disgustingly ironic? Yes. I’m horrible; trust me, it is becoming evermore apparent).

We have only been in school for two days and it is quite possible that the main thing I have learned is that there is so much I do not know. We are taking two courses, one called “Issues in Peacebuilding” and the other is Sociology course called “Social Context for Development”. Our peacebuilding class is taught by Rwandan Pastor Anastase. We went to the building where he runs PHARP (peacebuiding healing and reconciliation program). We met 14 young women who have been orphaned because of the genocide and there they learn how to sew. He explained that this not only gives them a skill with which they can go out and build a life, but the center also serves as a foundation of hope. These girls find a community, a new family, and they are comforted by the Lord’s greater love as they worship and read scripture together every morning.

Worshipping with those girls was one of the most beautiful things I have seen in Rwanda thus far. They sing and dance without reserve before our Maker in gratitude that is astonishing when considering they have so little, materially. They grabbed our hands to dance with them in the middle of the circle. Even though the songs where in Kinyarwanda (the local Bantu language), it was truly wonderful coming together in praising our common God. Our Lord has no boundaries and His love and power surpasses all language barriers unites His children. I loved that short experience of authentic community with my fellow sisters in Christ. I can definitely learn a lot from the way they love the Lord with reckless abandon. I desire to adore Him as they do.

We are learning a lot in classes. Today we looked at genocides throughout history and the patterns in mentalities and ideologies that lead to them. In our social context classes we are looking at different schools of thought's theories on how to eradicate poverty and the reason there is poverty. There are so many different dynamics to this issue, I feel as if I will never understand it. But scripture promises that in our weakness (in this case, my lack of knowledge), He is made strong, so Amen to that! I am thankful God has my back when my intellect is so inadequate in grasping greater concepts.

More to come on what we are learning, but I don’t think I understand enough to be able to reiterate anything without extreme effort. But to anyone who is reading I would really appreciate prayer, if you happen to remember. I need help being open to processing things that I have been running away from. I expected Africa to be a wonderful method of escape and it seems that the Lord has different plans! Pray the Lord softens my heart. I want to be more like Jesus and He was filled with compassion for all people.

Knees are the Boobs of Africa

Yes that’s right. Girls, cover them up!  Knees and above are considered scandalous and rather risqué, so we good Godly women are doing our best to adhere to this new level of modesty and keep the kneevage under control. It’s been a bit crazy the past few days… we have driven at least 20 hours and all across Uganda. Today we arrived in Kigali, Rwanda. But let me back up and talk about the latest happenings in Uganda…

Well first of all, driving in Uganda, the air smells as sweet as the people who live there. The air smells like jasmine, weed, roasted maize, bananas and tea. It is wonderful! We are learning new things like, do not sniff a Ugandans food or drink, it is considered very rude. Squatty potties are becoming much less of a dramatic, troublesome experience to becoming the norm (I am getting quite good at it, actually J). Driving through the countryside was in no way like driving ten hours in the States. There is so much to see, it feels as if your eyes are not big enough to take it all in. There is a really fun game to play called “wave”. Its were you smile and wave out the window at the people in the villages and children wave back wildly yelling, “Muzungu, Muzungus!” (meaning white people in Swahili).

We went on a safari, which was really cool. We woke up early in the morning and went for a game run. We saw African guinea fowl, tons of warthogs (they just hung out in the yard of our rooms), baboons (they are scary and make the most terrifying barking noise), buffalo, waterbacks, elephants and even hippos (we had the great pleasure of seeing two hippos mate; it was just lovely!).

We are now in Rwanda and I am all unpacked. Our house here is amazing! We have a wonderful view because we are seated on a hill, which is common because Rwanda is called “the land of a thousand hills”. Tomorrow will be our first day officially living here.

More updates to come! Let me know what you want to hear more of.

Love, Noël 

UGANDA!

So we arrived safely in Uganda at 7:45 am, however for my body it is the middle of the night. We are now at the Uganda guest house were we will be living later in the semester. I am sitting at a table with my team and a bird just made a noise like it was giving birth to a dog. A little frightening. Its hard to say exactly how I feel right now. Its definitely a surreal thing, being in the place that you have been anticipating for so long. My eyes and body are so sleepy because of jet lag but the inside of me wants to be crazy and excited. I'm just going to have to kick this weird time change thing. More to come later! pics too soon!

Arizona

Alright, well I am sitting in the airport in Phoenix. we are boarding in 10 minutes and heading for london, where we will have a 9 hour layover... fun fun fun! My group is great... more to come later!! 

First Timer

Well, I am not exactly sure how to blog. Actually, I lack in computer skills in general, so not only is this a first time blog post (hopefully that is the correct terminology) but this happens to be a large stab at modern technology that I have been a bit hesitant to take. I do realize that this is much easier and letters are a tad out of date and less convenient and efficient, therefore I have become a blogger. I am arriving in Arizona on August 21st and will be leaving for Africa on the 22nd. We are flying into Entebbe, Uganda and then traveling to Rwanda where we will spend the first half of the semester. 

I cannot express my excitement, my fears of something totally new and completely unknown to my experience of life for the past 20 years, and I especially cannot express my great need for prayer. God is wonderful and mysterious; we certainly do not serve a boring God. Please pray that I will have the constant willingness to submit and surrender myself to His use and to His greater plan.